God as a Computer Programmer

Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of
God as a Computer Programmer.

 Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
 A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step
    through all those variables.

 Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
 A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revisions.

 Q: Does God know everything?
 A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what
    goes on in the overnight job.

 Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
 A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically
    and he logs on from home to try to bring it up.  Otherwise
    things can usually wait until tomorrow.

 Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
 A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy
    bars.  On the seventh day he went home and found out his
    girlfriend had left him.

 Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?
 A: That was the development phase of the project. We are now in the
    maintenance phase.

 Q: Will there be another Universe after this one?
 A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but
    personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.

 Q: Who is Satan?
 A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he
    actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared
    of him.  God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

 Q: What is the role of sinners?
 A: Sinners are the people who find new and imaginative ways to mess
    up the system after God has made it idiot-proof.

 Q: Where will I go after I die?
 A: You don't really die. You are on a backup tape.

 Q: Will I be reincarnated?
 A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you.  And
    searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a
    request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

 Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
 A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites
    running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

 Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
 A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but
    then the users and managers demanded he tack senseless
    features onto it and now everything is more complicated and
    expensive than ever.

 Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
 A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just
    get off his back and let him program.

 Q: What is the one true religion?
 A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick
    the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you

 Q: How can I protect myself from evil?
 A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a
    common word, or a date like your birthday.

 Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God.  Is this true?
 A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail.

 Q: Some people say God is Love.
 A: That is not a question.  Please restate your query in the form of
    a question.
    Abort, Retry, Fail?